January 2012
4 posts
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December 2011
4 posts
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3 tags
November 2011
14 posts
Reblog and then go to your page
thefuturepresidentandres:
wildhoneyy:
and never get bored again!
i bet faceboook didn’t think of this
JUST AWESOME!
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October 2011
9 posts
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12 October
M: The worst part about watching the ...8 Miles Wide video is that the song gets stuck in your head forever.
J: Yes it does.
M: Obnoxious.
J: As obnoxious as an 8-mile wide vagina?
M: You could use it as a parachute.
J: Barf.
M: flap flap flap flap
J: Gonna die.
M: Got the flap?
J: No. My vagina stays put.
M: I'm glad you keep close watch of it.
J: You know me. I can't stop looking at my vagina.
M: You're a greater woman than I.
J: I agree.
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3 October
M: My aunt's license plate is BA BLAM.
J: Incredible.
M: She says it means "Baby Lamb."
J: :-/
...
M: BA BLAM
J: BA BLAM!
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29 September
M: All the eye candy I've been admiring is taken. haha. Snooze = lose.
J: Aww. You should just get all up in there anyway.
M: Blatant. In front of their girlfriends.
J: Exactly. It's like mountain lions. You just have to show them you're not afraid of them, and they'll back off.
M: I'm sure you're right.
...
M: This band started playing the overture to The Wizard of Oz and segued into The Addams Family theme and back into Somewhere Over The Rainbow. I don't understand.
J: Hahahahaha that's awesome.
M: They didn't introduce the witch's theme at all. They substituted another thing entirely.
J: The Addams Family were kind of like witches, I guess.
M: In a totally non-witch kind of way, yes.
J: You think everything's not a witch.
M: I'm a witch.
J: No arguments here.
...
M: "Sorry. :-/ At least 90% herpes by complete strangers. OMG PURRRR! PURRR MOTHERFUCKER!"
J: :D :D :D
M: This makes me weep.
J: Isn't it the greatest? I literally spent an hour and a half on it this morning, just refreshing it and dying.
M: So. Funny.
M: "Sigh. Sorry. :-/ Yep! I shit out of stuff in and a lot of you. You're told you get two."
J: Ahhh it's so wonderfully strange.
M: It makes everyone sound like Bjork.
J: Hahahaha exactly.
J: I did one with my new twitter and got "All up in people's girlfriends like mountain lions."
J: So much joy.
M: So. Good.
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25 September, Part II
M: I'm going to start a religious dance company. All the dances are going to be people falling to the ground and flailing around in His glory.
J: Sounds like a plan. Nobody could even talk about how terrible your dances were because they wouldn't want to bad mouth God.
M: I KNOW. It's perfect. I'm going to make bazillions.
J: Hooray!
J: I've recently become obsessed with mom blogs. I don't understand why. I am not a mother.
M: Have you read dooce.com? I read that all the time. Maybe it's our time of the month.
J: I have not! I''ll bet it's just my biological clock kicking into high gear.
M: Perhaps. I smashed mine.
J: Hmm.
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25 September
A: There's a little girl in the mariachi group on my stage and I can't tell if she's mentally challenged or just terrified...
M: Ahahahahahahahahahahaha.
A: This is the joy of Fair.
M: Is that what it is? I hadn't found it yet.
A: Ha. It's the little things. Like potentially retarded children.
M: I made R wear a funny hat this morning. So there's that also.
A: Haha.
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23 September
R: So J is on acid and he just sent me a picture of 3 gummy bears in his hand with no caption. I wish I could see what he is seeing.
September 2011
26 posts
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20 September
M: This morning's status update gem: "12 years ago today, I became a woman. Happy Birthday, Menses!" Who posts that???
J: Bahaha awesome.
...
M: I AM SO CRACKED OUT ON ROCKSTAR. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE???
J: Ahahaha awesome.
M: I'm exhausted, and the hyper is inside my body. Like in my torso. I feel it. But my eyes may close at any minute. hahaha MAYBE I'M DYING!
M: I FEEL LIKE DANCING.
J: You need to just dance it all out haha
M: That sounds mighty gay.
J: Well excuse the fuck out of me for trying to help you not die.
M: i love you
J: And I love you!
M: I think my bottom wisdom tooth on my right side is going to come in. I can't tell if it's actually my jaw bone or not because my tongue won't fold the right way to check it out. Is it possible to have a dominant side for your tongue, like how people are right- or left-handed?
J: Yes? I have no idea.
M: Does your tongue go both ways???
J: It does! Maybe you had a stroke.
M: Fuck.
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17 September
A: Aaaaaaah! Can't wait for pig races!! haha
M: When are they? When are wiener dogs?
M: They should just race pigs and dogs together to save time. Just for you.
...
A: Pig races are like 6 times a day. I don't know. They have wiener races every year. haha. 'Races' almost came out 'raves'. Wiener raves.
M: Barf.
M: Wiener Raves are my new name for gay clubs.
A: That's funny. I pictured a bunch of dachshunds with red cups and glow sticks on Ecstasy.
A: YOU'RE HAVING TIGERS ON YOUR STAGE!?!
M: What a great image. And, no. They're karate.
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18 September
M: MY FEET ARE GOING TO FALL OFF.
J: You should cut them off before they get the chance, so they know who's boss.
M: I might have to.
J: I'm pretty sure I have sudden onset hysterical pregnancy.
M: Excuse me?
J: It feels like there's a baby all up inside me.
J: I have morning sickness and crave pickles.
M: I think you're just hungover.
J: Yeah one of those two things.
M: Ha.
J: I like the term 'hysterical' used as part of a medical condition. I think I'm going to start telling people I have hysterical lupus.
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16 September
M: Reading the news on Twitter this morning immediately filled my world with hearts and rainbows.
J: And unicorns?
M: OF COURSE UNICORNS.
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14 September
J: Surprise bars'
M: ?
J: I'm shitfaced on a Tuesday with my roomy.
...
J: Tastier.
J: Wow autocorrect.
J: That was supposed to be yaaaay.
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13 September
J: l\
l \
l__\
____l___
\_______/
M: BOAT!
…
M: I had the shakes, so naturally I reached for a Monster. I might die.
J: Oh good!
M: Totally.
…
M: This Monster is starting to taste like beer to me, except with a sugary aftertaste. I might be just drinking too much beer…
J: Yeah probably. I drink beer now!
M: I'm so excited. I love beer so much.
J: I'm getting the hang of it.
M: I've become a goddamned beer oracle.
J: Beeracle!
M: I LOVE IT.
…
M. …aaaaaaand now I have Ke$ha in my head. This class is doomed.
…
J: Whoooooon
J: Nope. That was supposed to be Whoo.
…
J: You were a hipster once.
M: Except I didn't wear any plaid.
J: But you were plaid on the inside.
M: You should write Hallmark cards.
…
M: There's a super obnoxious girl in my class. I may kill her.
J: You should!
M: She's hit her head on the wall. Hard. Twice.
J: How?
M: Laughing.
J: Oh. Annoying.
…
M: There's another girl in this class that supposedly works in accounting and keeps getting every question wrong.
J: Haha awesome.
M: Priceless. She keeps asking questions related to her job. hahahaha
J: That's so unfortunate. hahaha
M: She's so dumb. YAY CLASS IS DONE AND PROF MADE QUIZ TAKE HOME.
J: AAAAAHHHHHHH
M: hahaha It's the little things.
J: You should do whatever the opposite of killing his family is. To thank him.
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11 September
A: I love when groups try to check in and I ask them what group they're with and they're like "umm...ballet folklorico." No shit, Sherlock. You're gonna need to be slightly more specific than that.
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10 September
M: There are 3.5-foot-tall ballerinas backstage. Tutus, feathers, tights. One is in tears. Why is this making me happy?
J: Hahaha that sounds delightful
M: It's great. All the others are happily dancing, and then one of them was just bawling. Good. Times.
J: Oh, weeping ballerinas.
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9 September
J: WHALE
M: ?
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8 September
J: My ear training teacher just told a 15 minute anecdote that ended with a punchline about how the notes "Sol La Mi" sound kind of like salami. I almost died.
…
J: Today I was walking to school and a big spider landed on the lens of my glasses. It took every ounce of willpower I had not to punch myself in the face.
M: :-/ I read Ray's text. Sounds crazy nuts.
J: I threw my glasses further away than anything I've ever thrown anything.
M: Ray and I just imagined you trying to find your glasses, blind.
J: Hahaha. You know how you hear those stories about people who like lift cars off their babies with a surge of adrenaline? It was like that. I found my glasses across the street. Not even directly across the street.
J: I went from zero to screaming, glasses throwing frenzy in like one second. I must have looked completely insane.
M We are so sad that we missed that!!!
…
J: My roommate just made me feel super old. The cycle continues!
M: About time! What did they say? Do you know that today's 18-year-olds don't know about Tupac "dying"?
J: Haha oh no! Now he's dead for real.
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6 September
J: Did you know that there's only 15 calories in a teaspoon of sugar?
M: …no…?
J: I thought that was interesting haha
…
M: My friend just posted this as her FB status, quoting her godmother. I am crying. "That lady just pissed me off! She yelled an obscenity at me! All of a sudden my mouth moved quicker than my brain and I shouted 'CRACKWHORE!' as loud as I could. I don't know if she does drugs, and I certainly don't know about her indiscretions, but man…she was just being mean!"
J: Ahahahahaha awesome.
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